Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Closing Day

Today was closing day on three homes:  my mom's new condo, a young family's small house, and my childhood home.  The young family that sold their house is moving in and starting a life at 10920 I Drive South as of 3:30pm, much like my family did 35 years ago.  I was 4 years old and missed my town friends like crazy.  I remember eating popsicles and watching teams of people from our church helping to fix up the 100 year old house- rebuilding the porch, building onto the kitchen, repairing the rotted stairs my brother fell through. The smell of wallpaper paste and the scent of the carpet stores are indelibly marked on my olfactory system.  I have a distinct memory of celebrating my mom's birthday (was it her 40th?) on the floor in our diningroom, before any of the furniture had arrived.  The pinkish-purplish cake dome features in that mind-picture.

Then there were the years we were all there settled in together as a family of five.  My dad often took us in the pickup truck on Saturdays (the first one was pea-green, the second was maroon) to some forest somewhere to cut down trees for firewood for our wood burning stove.  Writing this, I'm not entirely sure why, since we had our own woods flanking our house.  But again, my memories are of the vivid smells.  To this day, I love the smell of sawdust.  I remember the assembly line on cold nights:  Dad, Matthew or Mom would go out to the garage to get wood, I'd hold the door, and my sister or I would carry the wood from the door to the livingroom.  Then, we'd sweep up the trail of wood bits and warm up.  We were all involved in church and school and sports, but still spent a great deal of time at home together.  Matt, eight years older, mostly ignored me, but I loved when he let me watch a favorite movie with him on the black-and-white t.v. (What's Up, Doc?) or terrorized me by holding me upside down over the kerosene heater.  Laura and I fought like crazy, and she even gave me a black eye once.  To be honest, though, I deserved it.  And we became the best of friends later on.

Not long after we moved in, my mom met Mrs. Mullen through the March of Dimes, and her daughter, Amy, became my best childhood friend.  Her farm and family figures almost as much into my childhood memories as my own.  How many days did I play at her house, exploring the woods and fields, building hay-forts, jumping on the trampoline in the barn, playing Barbies in the tree-house?  I was terrified of the German Shepard, Baron, and whatever rooster was on duty, but I loved collecting eggs and riding horses.  Mrs. Mullen was my first piano teacher and I think of her often as I'm passing along her wisdom to my students.

My room was bright yellow, with a built-in bed and adorable hand-made shelves and drawers.  I think it was originally a giant walk-in closet.  Later, my dad expanded the room and I spent many nights star-gazing through my sky-window and dreaming of being an adult and all the adventures I'd go on.  I had a cat, Puss-n-Boots, who mothered many, many other cats, and we had an Irish Setter, Rusty.  I believe we had chickens, but Rusty put an end to that experiment quickly.  We also had a huge garden at one point.  We ate mulberries and raspberries and currants, played in the fields and woods in the summer, and went sledding and ice-skating outside at the neighbors in the winter.

Then, we all grew up and left home, one by one, as good, independent children must do.  The years between childhood and adulthood were typical teenage years, full of activity and friends and broken hearts and excitement.  Our house was always special to me, warm and comforting, even when it was cold outside.  I loved having a 'full-house' when our extended family came for holidays, and enjoyed playing junior hostess when my parents hosted parties.  Eventually, they hosted Michael's and my wedding in the backyard, on a beautiful July day, 16 years ago.  Things changed, Dad and Mom divorced, and yet the house was still there for us.  We brought Nourit, Avital and Isabelle there as babies, and I fervently hope the two older girls will remember climbing trees and trekking through the overgrown fields.  Even though Zazie is only a year, I feel like she's been blessed by being there, too, somehow.

This last year has been a roller-coaster, and although I'm feeling it acutely, I know others have felt it as much or more.  The house, which had been on the market for a few years, suddenly became a burden for my mom, whose health was compromised this year.  Getting it sold became a priority, but sifting through 40 years (or more) worth of memories was painful for her.  I think the moment I felt like the worst daughter ever was watching her breathing turn ragged and her hands shake after an intense bout of purging.  To us, they were plastic tchotckes and old, worthless vases.  To her they were reminders of so many friends and loved ones.  After starting, though, she really became ruthless and got rid of so much.  By the time she got down to the things that reminded us of our childhood lives in that lovely home, she was ready to move on.  We still weren't.  But now that the papers are signed and she's in her new space, she is relieved and happy.  I hear it in her voice and am so glad.  I'm relieved, too, that she has space for us to visit because it's always home wherever she is.  I remember staying at our old house one weekend while she was away and feeling lost without her there.  I also remember feeling like the house needed fresh air breathed into it.  Updating.  People using all the rooms and the earth outside.  I so very much wanted it to be us.  I wonder if the two little girls moving in today will love it as much as we did.  I think they will.  Maybe they'll even find the treasure that's allegedly buried in the cellar. 

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Permanently Transitional or Transitionally Permanent

I just spent the last two hours moving empty boxes from our storage space to the recycling bin (many apologies, neighbors, it was me who filled up the bins, and that was only 1/3 of what I still have to throw out.)  These boxes have been taking up space in the basement and my brain for the last two years and I'm finally getting rid of them.  It's not that they are in anyone's way but mine, but I have this slight neurosis about 'stuff' and I spend way too much time imagining how I can get rid of all the non-essentials in my life.  It's a little scary.  When we moved in here two years ago, we saved every single box thinking we'd be moving again within a year.  We're still here, and the boxes are beginning to smell.

My 17 year old niece is getting ready for her senior year in high school and looking forward to starting college and the 'rest of her life'.  Funny, I've felt the same way for the last 20 years, since I was her age.  (Okay, 22 years.)  I graduated high school, moved away to college, moved to another college, got married, moved to graduate school (mine), then moved to another graduate school (Mike's.)  I can't count how many apartments we've rented during our marriage. (Well, yes, I can.  Ten, plus two stints at our respective parents' houses.)  Our five year old abided in four of those in as many years.  We are on our third child and I'm still somehow waiting to start the 'rest of my life.'

But what is 'the rest of my life'?  Is it a steady job, a big, red, brick house, and new furniture?  Is it my kids in one school from Kindergarten through High School?  That was always the picture I had in my mind as a child, and it's still there, though faded somewhat.  We've been in such non-traditional situations - graduate student housing one year, a dorm the next - that I'm wondering if we'll ever fall into a 'normal' life.  The job market for composers isn't exactly booming, and when Mike finishes his Ph.D, who knows where we will end up.  We might have to be creative, cobbling together work for awhile (and move to Canada for health care and good schools.) Or, maybe there is a job out there just for him and we'll buy a smallish, red, brick house, and send our kids to the nearby one-room schoolhouse, perhaps somewhere in Idaho.

For all that yearned for stability, though, I love where we are right now.  Of any place we've ever lived, or will live, I think this place is unique. From the day we moved in, the girls became part of a wonderful group of friends just out our back door.  Their parents are our friends now, too; our social circle, and our support system.  I thank God practically every day for our neighbors, for their generosity and inclusion.  I love our dinners together, movie nights, vacations, trips to the museum, the skating rink, the beach, or the pool together.  Birthdays are celebrated en masse, and holidays.  As much as I crave moving back to the country, or on to a stand-alone house with a garden, it's hard to imagine not having these friends who are almost like family, right out my back door.  We've been fortunate, too, to have one more year with these friends, before graduation and new jobs send us all in different directions.  Because that is the inevitable.  This is student housing and we are part of the University of Chicago.  Dear friends move every year, and we say goodbye, wondering when it will be our turn to leave.  If we could stay here, in this situation, while our kids are growing up, I would.  But graduate school is transitional and there is always an unsettled feeling inside of me.  Hopefully we will have to collect new boxes next summer, pack up, and move on to the obvious next step.  At this point, I'm not very concerned about where we'll end up.  We'll be together as a family, eat good food, and create a rich life wherever we land.  It's too much to imagine it would be permanent, but I'll settle for a stable job situation, and the same floor plan for more than 2 years.   I will miss this state of affairs, though.  Being part of this has taught me more how to live in community, and although I know we'll never recreate what we have here, I hope wherever we go, or however nomadic we remain, we'll always find our tribe.      

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Finding the Past in a Box

I have a closet full of boxes to dig through, waiting for me at my childhood home.  They have sat there, innocuous, for over 20 years, but now they are like a big, menacing mountain, or a shadow, or something black and ugly to be dreaded.  No, Jimmy Hoffa's remains aren't in there - just hundreds of letters from friends, mix-tapes from old boyfriends, and mementos. 

Oh, boy, are there mementos.  You know those things you get from proms and homecomings, photo frames or wine glasses etched with the date and sappy theme of that particular dance? (Because truly, my date was the Wind Beneath My Wings, and I was Never Gonna Give Him Up.)  You know what I'm talking about if you are from the Midwest.  Or maybe New Jersey.  Well, I went to 16 of those dances over my high school career (and yes, keeping up that kind of social life was its own type of career) and I have not only the frame/wine glasses/souvenir photos from all of those, but all manner of cheesy items, including, but not limited to:  horrible sequin-y costumes from 80's and 90's talent shows, cheer-leading paraphernalia, and t-shirts from every play and association and club I belonged to.  (Did I mention my high school social life was a full-time job?)  It's not something I'm proud of.  I really wish I had focused more on my studies, practiced piano more, and dated less.  Really.  Because then I wouldn't have all this crap to sift through and decide whether to put it in the 'to keep' pile, the 'to donate' pile, or the 'burn-it-and-don't-ever-let-anyone-know-I-was-associated-with-it' pile.

Why did all this stuff end up there?  And why did I think I needed to remember my teenage life with cheap plastic champagne flutes, given to me 5 years before I was even legally allowed to drink?  What was so amazing about each and every experience we had during those 4 years of high school that we felt the need to memorialize it with a t-shirt signed by everyone present?  (T-shirts 5 sizes too big to even wear anymore because of that trend back in the early 90's to sport everything oversized and tucked into your pants with a belt, then pulled out a little.  Or a lot.  I guess it offset the big bangs.)  Sure, it's fun to pull it out of a box and say "Oh, I remember this!", but after doing that for awhile, the memories start to consume me.  Why do I need to go back there, that place that most people try to forget because it's the place where we were our most insecure, selfish selves?

The letters are going to be the hardest.  Real, physical letters, written after typewriters were invented, but long before any of us had even conceived of email.  Written in pen and ink, where the only shorthand was SWAK or LYLAS or TLA.  Loooooong before LMAO and ROFL.  Letters from friends I met at church camp each summer and corresponded with once or twice.  Letters from friends that continued from year to year, until we drifted apart in college or after marriage.  (And yes, I was married before I had my first email account.)  Letters from boyfriends who were good friends.  Letters from boys who I thought were just plain old good friends until I got married and they disappeared.  

I'm not certain why I've kept every word ever written to me.  I often thought I'd keep them until I was 80 and in a rocking chair with nothing else to do but re-read hundreds of old letters and reflect on my life, but the older I get, the less I reflecting I feel like doing.  I reflect too much as it is.  Besides, I think there will be more fun things to do when I'm an octogenarian.  My Grandma-in-Law got married and went dancing every day when she turned 80!  Maybe I wanted to leave a trace of who I am (or was) for my descendents.  However, I'm not sure my life and thoughts as an adolescent were all that unusual or interesting, and frankly, I think some things are better left forgotten.  Which brings me to the next box.  The box full of journals.

Or diaries, if you don't want to refer to my scribbling as serious 'journaling.'  They go back as far as when I could only print in capital letters, and came equipped with a lock and key.  I haven't gotten in there yet to re-read them, but I don't think I'm ready for that.  And I'm not sure there is anyone else I want to share them with, either.  I always imagined I'd have a little girl that would become an adult one day, and I'd share them with her to say, "See, your mom wasn't always a grown up!  I had a life before I was a mother!"  Now I have three little girls, and want so desperately for them not to do the kind of stupid things I did, or feel the selfish feelings I felt.  I want them to spend time thinking about saving the world, not about what Ryan So-and-So said to them at the lunch table on a particular day.  I want them to experience a little pain, and a little rejection, but not enough to cry for months, or years, at a time.  And maybe now, I just don't want them to know I was anything BUT their mother, because maybe they would roll their eyes and laugh at who I was.  It's one thing for them to do that about me in my role as 'mom', because every child will do that at some point, and I'm expecting it.  That part wouldn't hurt.  I just don't want them to be disappointed in who I was (or wasn't).  I didn't do anything spectacular.  I wasn't all that interesting as a kid.  I was pretty selfish and self-centered and mixed-up, and that's just not a pretty read.  So what to do with those journals?

Unfortunately, we don't have a working fireplace where I can tear the pages out and send them romantically up the chimney.  And maybe, even more unfortunately, I don't have a consistent written record of all the good days and times, especially now, with my busy, wonderful family.  I guess because we are so wonderfully busy, and the only time I have tended to write in my journals is when things seem to be hitting rock bottom and I'm trying to figure my way out.  There's no need to go to the counselor when things are going swimmingly, I guess.  (Not that it's always perfect, or ever perfect.  That's impossible.  But somehow, my current life with little kids forces me to be present.  And the present situation is always better than what goes on in the recesses of my mind.)

All this dredging up of the past is because my mom is selling our childhood home.  It has been on the market for a few years now, but she is finally serious enough about getting it off her shoulders as to clean out 36 years worth of accumulation.  It has been very hard for me to imagine her not being there, to imagine someone else in our space, and to know those chapters of life are closed forever.  I still call it home, even though I moved out at 18.  I love the house, the smells, the land - everything about it (except maybe the sulfur water!)  I just haven't wanted to let go yet, but after last weekend, when we started going through all the closets in earnest, I realized I don't need the contents of those boxes to remember what was good and redeeming about my growing-up years.  Not the tchotchkes, not the letters, not even the beautiful, old house itself.  Appropriately enough, I found the following in the book I was reading to the girls the other night.


Laura called out softly, "What are days of auld lang syne, Pa?"

"They are the days of a long time ago, Laura, " Pa said.  "Go to sleep, now."

But Laura lay awake a little while, listening to Pa's fiddle softly playing and to the lonely sound of the wind in the Big Woods.  She looked at Pa sitting on the bench by the hearth, the fire-light gleaming on his brown hair and beard and glistening on the honey-brown fiddle.  She looked at Ma, gently rocking and knitting.

She though to herself, "This is now."

She was glad that the cosy house, and Pa and Ma and the fire-light and the music, were now.  They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now.  It can never be a long time ago.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Fitting 3 Car Seats in a Honda Fit

I've been meaning to write this post since September, but... I had a baby.  Which is the reason we had to fit 3 car seats in our Honda Fit in the first place, but also the reason I never got around to writing about it.  Now said baby is 9 months old, but our story actually starts about 18 months ago when...

Me:  "Mike, I think we are going to have another baby."

Processing, processing...

 Mike:  "How are we going to fit another car seat in our super-small, fuel-efficient car?  Crap!  We'll have to get a new car."

Don't misunderstand.  Mike was THRILLED about having another baby and actually, that was my first thought, too, after the first wave of nausea settled.  How are we going to fit a third car seat in our 2008 Honda Fit?  We loved our little zippy car and the fact we didn't have a car payment anymore.  So we got on the world wide web and searched for other brave souls who didn't throw up their hands in defeat and immediately upgrade to a mini-van.  (Not that one wouldn't be nice once in awhile, but there's no way on God's green earth city streets that I would ever be able to parallel park one.)  I'm not certain we found anyone who posted about fitting 3 car seats into a Honda Fit - the closest seemed to be a Honda Civic.  But I am posting now to help other fuel-efficient car owners realize their dream of an increased family size without an increased gas budget.

This is what we bought for a grand total of $624.25 on Amazon (through Amazon prime, with the option of free returns if they didn't fit, which they did):

2 Diono RadianR100 Car Seats (for our 5 and 7 year olds)
1Combi Cocorro Lightweight Convertible Carseat

If we had preplanned 8 years ago, we would have saved another few hundred bucks by purchasing these first and using them for all three kids.  But, that would be antithetical to who we are, and besides, car seats are obsolete a year after you buy them.  $700 is still a whole lot cheaper than a new van.

The Radian can be used from infancy through age 18 (or whatever age kids have to stay in a car seat these days), but we couldn't fit it in rear facing.  Hence, the expensive little Combi number that we'll get rid of when Baby #3 turns 2ish.  It was the smallest seat we could find, and the convenient removable kind with the base just wouldn't work.  So that's the one drawback - you can't remove your sleeping baby IN the car seat.  You just have to wake the poor thing up to take her out of the car.  (If her big sisters haven't already, which is more than likely.  Besides, it's the third kid and they are never going to get an uninterrupted nap.  Neither are the parents.  But I digress.  Because I haven't had enough sleep.)  I guess there is one more drawback.  Once you get these puppies in, you will refuse little old ladies rides home in the rain because you will never want to take them out.  It's a bit tricky to get the right fit.

If he could do it, my husband would attempt to fit all of us in a Smart Car but that's just a little ridiculous.  I mean, there's no backseat.  So when Baby Tierce goes forward facing, we'll have the moment of truth - can we fit another Diono Radian in?  I think we can, otherwise, you just might see us on a bicycle built for five.  

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Books Read, to be Read, or to be Re-Read

There are so many now that I'm seeing red
Since Nourit one day started devouring books, I've felt this panic to keep the beast fed. 
So a query last week on Facebook I post-ed,
For material she can read by a light in her bed.
Below is a compilation of what you all said.
Hopefully it all will go to her head.

Some we've read,
Some are to be read,
And some will definitely be re-read.

Book List for Nourit
~or Other Girls Age 7~
(to be augmented and edited, as we go...suggestions are welcomed)

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
A Little Princess - Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Shoe Books - Noel Streatfield
Betsy Tacy Books - Maud Hart
The Littles - John Peterson
The Mouse and His Motorcycle - Beverly Cleary
Ramona Books - Beverly Cleary
A-Z Mysteries
Wayside Stories Series - Louis Sachar
Anne of Green Gables
Trixie Belden Mysteries
The Boxcar Children - Gertrude Chandler Warner
Pippi Longstocking
The BFG, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, The Twits -  Roald Dahl
Charlotte's Web - E.B. White
From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler - E. L. Konigsburg
Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle
Nancy Drew Series
Percy Jackson Series
Judy Moody - Megan McDonald
*Ella Enchanted - Gail Carson Levine
*Spiderwick Chronicles - Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black
*Mrs. Piggle Wiggle Books
*Dimwood Forest Books  - Avi
*Little House on the Prairie - Laura Ingalls Wilder
*Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
Floors - Patrick Carmen 
The Magicians Elephant - Kate DiCamillo.
Kate DiCamillo Books
Everything in a Waffle - Patty Horvath
*Rump - Liesl Shurtliff

 More Ideas and Links

The Diamond in the Window: For those starting chapter books
A Mighty Girl:  The world's largest collection of books, toys and movies for smart, confident, and courageous girls.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Zazie vs. Toy Piano

Not bad for a first performance, although we'll have to work a little on her hand position.  And perhaps on getting back to the piano for her encore.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

If You Give a Mom Alone Time

For awhile now, I've felt a great weight on me, and it's not extra baby weight that needs losing.  (I can thank my mom's genes for that one.)  It's both the physical weight of a 20 lb-er who is in the Ergo more than not, and the mental weight of my to-do list (which includes the to-do list of everyone else in the household.)  Once or twice a week, though, the kids walk out the door without me, a stillness descends on the apartment, and the baby falls asleep.  For a millisecond, after I set her in her crib and shut the door to the bedroom, I'M FREE!  Lighter than air, I can do anything I want to do:  dust the furniture, scrub the toilet, or clean up the dishes from lunch (and yesterday's dinner, and the huge pot from dinner three nights ago...)  The possibilities are endless.  Just like my laundry.

Or, I can read a book.  Except my book is in the bedroom and I'd risk my precious freedom if I snuck in to retrieve it.  I could do some yoga, but my mat is in the bedroom, too.  (I didn't plan my escape very well.)  Practice piano?  Too loud.  Take a nap?  Too much coffee in the morning.  Clean the closet?  I don't want to get into the middle of a project and have to leave it undone.   (And yes, that does sound kinda fun to me, in a sick, sick way.) 

Okay, looks like doing the dishes has won out.  But there are snacks in the kitchen, and once I have my nutella spread on a graham cracker, I need to sit down to eat it.  Preferably at the computer so I can do something useful at the same time, like check Facebook.  The kitchen looks daunting anyway, and I doubt I would even make a dent in the mess before the baby wakes up.  I really want to make this time count since I have so little of it.  I need to do something rejuvenating, something that will give me back at least part of what the kids have sucked out.  Another snack.  Maybe read some news. But that makes me feel even more useless since bad stuff keeps happening in the world and I'm doing nothing to make it a better place.

Maybe I'll just sit still and continue not doing anything.  Breathe.  Meditate.  But from where I'm sitting, I can see the four gaping holes in the wall where the guitar hooks fell out last October, and the pile of books ready to fall off the shelf, and the dust bunnies fornicating under the front desk.  I'll put these on my mental list of 'things to do when I have an entire week to clean and fix the apartment' (or when hell freezes over, because I don't know who is going to take three kids for an entire week while I clean my home.)

Hmm....I wonder what I could do with an entire week alone? 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My Life So Far

It's been 7 months since I made my angry debut into the world, but I am definitely happier than I was that first night.  My mom thought she was in for it when I spent the first 24 hours with a scowl on my face, but now she's thanking God and her lucky stars that I am such a contented kid.  I roll over, I've sprouted two bottom teeth, and am starting to eat real food.  The usual baby stuff.  I have four big people that are around and I've divided them into the Big Parents and the Little Parents.  I have been taught to say 'Mommy', and I think it stands for the smaller of the Big Parents because she gets a giant grin whenever I say it.  The other Big Parent is nice, too, except recently he's been trying to pass this glass and rubber thing off as my milk source, and Mommy it definitely ain't.  I have thus far refused.

The Little Parents look very similar except one seems to come a great deal closer than the other, and by close I mean in-my-face.  I can't see her that way, but whenever she backs up and I can focus, she makes me laugh the most.  What a ham!  But she still scares me a little when she a) runs at me b) lays on top of me, or c) runs at me and then lays on top of me.  I'll get her back, though.  I'm a pretty big baby - bigger than either of my sisters were - and in a few years, I'll sit on top of her and see how she likes it.

Except that I'm really mellow and perhaps won't want to make the effort.  What I do really like, though, is when the Little Parents play music.  My legs starting moving and I can't help it - I love to dance.  I guess it is inevitable since I've been sitting through their piano and violin lessons from time-before-birth.  I'm going to be a kick-ass Suzuki student in a few years!

I'm pretty quiet at this point.  I do growl like a dinosaur when I want to nurse, but that's really all the effort I have to make.  I also don't cry much, but last week, just because I overheard someone saying "Wow, I really haven't heard her cry much!", I cried.  All week.  But it was only because I was sick, and my mom was crying too, and I figured misery needed company.

Since I've been born, I seem to have been supplied with a plethora of containers.  My first container was in the car - super comfy - makes me fall asleep every time I get in.  Then, I had this basket thingy on the ground, and then a teeny bed called a co-sleeper which I refuse to sleep in, so I just stretch out in the big bed next to the Big Parents.  I also have a container on wheels for walking around the neighborhood (and two more already in the garage for when I get older), and recently, I was put in a container that bounces and makes lots of noise.  But I'm not so motivated, so after a bounce or two, I just hang out quietly until someone takes me out.  I have a cool, blue stretchy container that sits near the floor and bounces me to sleep, and now I have a really tall container where they've started to give me food.  (I like-a the squash, but the hummous - not so much.)  But my favorite place to be is in one of Mommy's 3 slings.  With so many containers, I never need to learn to walk!

So here I am - 7 months old, with wonderfully fat thighs and cheeks that get a hundred kisses a day, and a family that seems to function a bit like a circus act.  Food, love, entertainment...what more could I want?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Finding S-E-X in a Word Search

I knew I wouldn't be ready when the day came to talk to the girls about sex.  I had no idea it would be today during homeschool lessons, and I totally botched Phase 1 of Operation: TTYKAS.   I was hoping to send them to their Aunt Chris for The Talk.  She's really good at those kinds of things and I, most decidedly, am not.  I've been mulling it over, planning to peruse Amazon for some incremental books on how to present everything in a developmentally appropriate way, but today, Nourit found the word in a word search and the floodgates are now open.

A couple weeks ago I had the brilliant idea to create a word search to help Nourit practice her spelling words.  The have some nifty little sites online that will formulate them for you if you just input your list.  I'm pretty certain that S-E-X is not a long-A word, but she found it this afternoon in that randomized square of letters, right between B-R-A-V-E and A-F-R-A-I-D.  The moment she said "sex", giggled, and asked, "What does it mean?"  I became very A-F-R-A-I-D.  When she and her little sister started chanting the word, I became downright terrified. 

"I'll tell you later." I mumbled. (Later, like, in a few years...) 

"No!  Tell us now!"  yelled Avi.  "Sex, sex, sex.  Oh, I hope the word doesn't slip out of my mouth at dance class today!"  (Rotten child.)

"NO!" I practically shouted.  "You can't say this word to any of your friends.  See, it's like telling them that Santa Claus isn't real.  It's up to the parents to decide when to talk about it.  So, no saying that word in front of anyone!"

Then it occurred to me.  Where had they heard this word before and how did she know it meant something, well, important?  I mean, they do know all the words to Gangnam Style.  At least, all the non-Korean words which would be..."Sexy La-a-dy."  Or perhaps they overheard me whispering to another mom that Mike and I had pretended like our computer was broken when a (very innocent and darkly lit) sex-scene came on in the PG movie we were watching with them about Mozart's sister.   I tell you, we are worse than teenagers giggling about sex.

At that point, I went to the room where Mike was composing and clued him into the situation just in time for Avi to waltz into the room and ask him what it meant.

"It's like Essex.  The county where Nanny and Papa live.  Get it?  Es-sex."  Nice try, Dad.  I rolled my eyes as Avi relayed the new info to Nourit.

"...and we can't tell anyone because it's where they live - in EsSex - and bad guys will come and steal their jewels."

"But that doesn't make sense." countered Nourit.  She's bright.

At that point, I took a deep breath and figured I'd bite the bullet.  "Okay, it's something that happens between a man and a woman who are married to make a baby."  Nourit's eyes lit up.  "Oh, so I can have sex with Lukas and Oscar since we're married and Avi and Ming Ming are married, and they can have it, too, and we can all have babies!"  Aaaargh! (Side note:  I had recently heard rumors that Nourit was married not only to Oscar, but to Lucas, too.  This was confirmed when she received a Valentine's card from Lukas with a picture of all three of them on it.  We've told her time and time again that that is not allowed in this country.)

I said, "No!  Absolutely not!"  and then left it at that.  I realllly was not ready for this conversation, and left it with a threat that they were not to talk about it to their friends.  Really, this homeschooling thing is for the birds.  Aren't they supposed to get this information AT school?  From a trusted source (their friends' older siblings) in an established forum (the playground)?      

Soon after, Avi left for dance class (please, God, don't let her say the 'S' word in front of the other 4 and 5 year olds.  Especially not in front of the teacher who has a teeny reputation for getting angry at her class for talking, which I totally get and do not fault her for, as she has Avi in her class.)  Nourit comes up with a silly grin and asks me to tell her more.  "What else do you know about it?"  I countered.  "Um, that a man gives his germs to a mom by kissing and they have a baby."  Yeah, I told her.  Something like that.  Did she want to know more?  No, she said.  It was too scary. 

Yeah, for me, too.  

The only thing more embarrassing about talking about sex in front of my kids is talking about sex in front of my parents, so Dad, just pretend like you didn't read this post.