I Drink Wine Because They Whine

Really. I do. I have suddenly begun to enjoy cooking because it means I'm in the kitchen at 5 o'clock, and can start to sip a glass of Rosé, or open up a beer, and it's still within the realm of appearing civilized. Breastfeeding be damned. (And damn it, I'm still breastfeeding my 2 1/2 year old and am just too chicken, or tired, or something, to wean her.) I used to think when your child was old enough to ask for it, they were too old to be imbibing. That -and many other notions I had - was B.C.

I love my kids. I think I loved them more before they could talk, though. When I had babies, I felt like I was born to be a mother. A natural mother. Their crying was legitimate and I could always fix it. Now that they are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, I am naturally and legitimately annoyed 90% of the day. It starts at 5:43 in the morning with thump, thump, thump, thump thump..."Mama, can I sleep with you?" Then the pawing and kicking begins. If I attempt to exit the bed to get some work done on the computer, the alarm goes off. The screaming child alarm. "Don't leeeaaaave meeeee!" Two hours later, when Little Sister deems it appropriate for Big Sister to join the functionally-awake family, it really gets going. Hisses, screams, cries, doors slamming. "You're not being nice to me!" Hissssss. "I'm gonna pinch you and eat you up." Hissssss. "Stop iiiiiiittttttt!" Hissss. And no, we don't have a reptile living with us. Those are the sounds of our beautiful, well-behaved, quiet little girls. The ones I planned to have - B.C.

Don't get me wrong. There are moments of beauty when they are playing side-by-side, immersed in a project at the dining room table or baking mud pies in the sandbox. I have picture-perfect images in my head of Big Sister holding out her hand to a shy Little Sister, inviting her to come into Children's Church with her and Little Sister taking it without a look back at mom and dad. There are sometimes shared giggles...but those are mostly at my expense when they gang up to stick their fingers between my toes.

I know I need to be more patient. After all, we've put them through two moves in one year, and so many other huge transitions. Saying we're having a hard time with it ourselves would be an understatement. Regardless, I just didn't expect a teenager at 4 1/2. Or a banshee at 2 1/2. Mike and I are so calm, so quiet. Shouldn't our kids be, too?

We feed them - really good food, actually. I don't know many other kids under five who eat croissant and crepes for breakfast every weekend, or who enjoy Tuscan-style lunches 5 days a week, and internationally themed, organic dinners each night. So why do they start begging to be fed the moment we clear the breakfast table? They don't stop. Even during meals Avi is reaching across the table for more of what she already has on her plate.

I admit, I am uncertain how to discipline anymore. Spanking, duct tape, and leaving them by the side of the road are out. We've always used 'natural consequences.' But some things don't have one of those. What's a natural consequence to Stink Face? Hitting them on the back so it sticks that way? That'll teach 'em. How do I get Avi to sit still for half a second without squashing her...natural exuberance? And seriously, how does one give natural consequences when you are in the car? There are only so many hours you can promise the "time-out when we get home in three days". After the first 5 minutes they know you can't do a darn thing and they get a sick sense of fun out of making their sibling cry. Then laugh. Then cry again.

So there it is. Maybe I should replace my nightly glass of wine with some yoga and see if that does the trick. If I'm more zen-like, will that make my kids behave? Or maybe I'll just be able to tune out the whining by chanting "OMMMMMMMMMM. Nah, Nah, Nah, I can't heeeeaaar you!!!"

When a 4 year old goes to the office, clothing is optional

My girls love to get naked. Avi is happiest running through the house in her diaper screaming, "Naked, naked, naked!" Today, Nourit instigated the nakedness and soon both girls were down to their skivvies, Avi in an unbleached 7th Generation dipe and Nourit in some flowered undies, busily setting up an "office." The office consisted of three barstools, two diningroom chairs, and a stepstool. And of course, Nourit's laptop.

Even though Nourit mentioned a few times during the holidays she wanted a computer like Kyla's (a pink, princess-y electronic thing), we demurred. So this week, she took it upon herself to make her own - out of cardboard, and complete with a wireless mouse. She installed games and a word document all by herself. Already, she's way more tech savvy than her mama.

With Nourit at the computer and Avi in the cubicle behind her "eating clothes" according to Nourit, Nourit informed me the office was a hotel for kids to work in. Hmmm....is that legal? Soon, she was ready to go to a meeting, pipsqueak markers in hand. But first she needed me to three-hole punch her construction paper and put it into a binder. That done, she was ready for the meeting.

"Aren't you going to put on clothes for your meeting?" I asked?

"No, they don't really want us to wear clothes to meetings," was her reply.

"Where do you work?" I asked incredulously.

"I work at the university," she answered in all seriousness. "You work there too, don't you?" she continued.

I promise, I have always gone to work with my clothes on.

Sleep and Sunlight

I woke up this morning after a decent night's sleep to the sun streaming through the windows. It seems like that hasn't happened in months, maybe longer. Both the sun and the sleep. After feeling so good (finally!), and enjoying the morning without a clenched jaw, I believe I need to order extra of both of those things for the remainder of the year. Anyone care to purchase some with me in bulk?

Back Home and Home Again

I'm afraid the following will be a jumble of disjunct pictures and half-finished thoughts about our two-week retreat to Grandma's, aka, home. Always home. It was partially emotional, partially exhausting, and partially therapeutic, and I'm satisfied having spent much more than a weekend there. We visited some dear, old friends and some dear, old places. I wish I was back on the porch with time to record more than just "we did this" or "we saw them", but that's all I have time for right now. I wish I had taken pictures of every moment and every meeting, but I just wasn't that organized. We're back home now, Chicago home, and embarking on a new adventure as resident heads, and for me, a full-time stay-at-home momship (with a little piano teaching on the side...)

Okay, here goes. Two weeks in a walnut shell.

We arrived Saturday night, July 25th, and took off for mom's beach at South Haven on Sunday. We did the same the following Sunday, but went to the public beach where I used to hang out with my friends while skipping school when the weather was nice.

Half of our little half-pint, Avi.

It was warm enough to swim, and cold enough to wear a sweater. Nourit screamed with delight (or fear, or both) when I took her with me into the huge waves that day.

Back at home, doing a little weeding. We picked wildflowers from the field and made Grandma Queen of the Green.

Her crown is too big for Her Highness, Nourit.

On Monday, Mike and I walked down the road to the Cinzori's farm for some fresh, organic produce that we ate heartily for the next week. (Hey Chicagoans, look in the produce section at Whole Foods next time you are there and you'll find their homegrown veggies!)

This is what we saw along the way, times about 10.

And some beautiful sandhill cranes.

A trip home wouldn't be complete without a trip to the mall. Oh, the memories of 8 hour shopping sprees and modeling on Fashion Panel. And oh, how my priorities have changed!

I think is a true depiction of Nourit's personality. Her shirt aptly says, "Lucky to Be Me!" Oh, yes, she is.

Nourit and I also had a "date" at Full Blast, a new waterpark downtown, and then I took her to Rice's Shoestore nearby where I used to get my feet measured for shoes when I was probably her age. We spent a morning at the Mullen's farm, swimming and visiting with my childhood friend and her sisters and the new generation of kids. Baron is now Ace, and Buckshot is no longer around, but it still felt so familiar. We had a whirlwind visit with Michelle and Izzie (whose picture is too cute for words, but I want to be a little sensitive about posting her picture online since not everyone is comfortable having their life out there for the world to see.) Then, we made the inevitable trip to Binder Park Zoo. We stayed for four hours, our record!

Nourit on the 'Swamp Adventure', where she walked the entire mile, and really thought it was an adventure.

The day and the spot couldn't have been more beautiful.

More nature.

Nourit on the train.

Avital on the carousel. She screamed with delight most of the way around.

We had a good visit with our friends, the Harters, much to Nourit's delight! And on my birthday, we visited the Jones' up in Eaton Crapids (Amy's name for it, not mine. I thought it was beautiful!) for a wonderful visit, complete with dinner and a play involving Laura Ingalls, a dog, and a zebra, and a latent appearance by a fairy princess. Unfortunately, no pictures of that one! I also had time to catch up with my old friend Randy, and am thankful for that after so many years.

Here is the sweet picture.

Here is the scary one.

Hard to see, but there were about 15-20 wild turkeys walking across the backyard. Oh, I wish I had had a gun because they would have gone rather well with the green beans and zucchini we brought home from the Jones' garden.

So two weeks, gone by in a flash, and now we're back home in Chicago. I'm finishing up my work in the Psych Dept this week, and we attended a (very interesting) meeting tonight with members from the Woodlawn community and the University community about development and safety on the Southside. Monday, we move!

Commander Librarian

Nourit, after getting in trouble too many times today for insubordination, (and finding herself toy-less after I took them away for not cleaning up), decided to play library for the first time. She told me (after stumbling over the word a few times before getting it just right) that she was a librarian. This was a game my sister and I played endlessly, as evidenced by our books containing construction paper envelopes in the front flaps. We haven't played that game with Nourit yet. In fact, we rarely visit the library (for reasons I've posted about before), so I was duly impressed that she came up with this herself.

After putting some post-it tags in a few of her books, she told me again that she had become a librarian, and wasn't it a special thing? It had just - happened! "Like magic?" I asked. "No," she said, like I was stupid. (Oops, I'm not allowed to use that word!) "No," she sighed, "it just happened to happen." And now she's a librarian just like Grandma.

Nourit disappeared for a few moments while I gave Avi her bath. After I told Avi in my sternest voice no, not to dump the water out of the tub, (and after Avi gave me her biggest, award-winning smile), Nourit marched into the bathroom right up to Avi and said, "When mommy tells you to stop, you stop!" Hmmm...where did she learn that? It was quite convincing.

I heart greenheart

On a furtive gelato run last Sunday to Wicker Park's Cafe Gelato while our 3 year old was at her first drop-off party, we discovered the store greenheart. I'm in love! The store (in its own words)
"is Chicago’s premier eco-fair trade non-profit shop, carrying both fair trade and eco friendly products. Greenheart carries a variety of goods including recycled accessories and handbags, home goods, gourmet treats, cookbooks, glassware, jewelry, toys, personal care, organic cotton t-shirts and more. Greenheart believes consumers have the power to affect positive World change by supporting sustainable and fair business practices in their purchasing choices."

I didn't know all that walking in - what got me right off the bat were the beautiful hand sewn dresses, and the adorable children's clothes and toys, and the beautiful green water pitcher and glasses, and the...

Avi was fussing so I didn't get to try on everything I wanted, but we did walk out of the store with a floor rug made out of recycled something-or-other, that will take the place of the utilitarian plastic dropsheet I was planning to put under the girls' easel to keep the paint off our new carpet. It's completely washable, and very cool.

We made another gelato run tonight, this time with our neighbors. (About 2/3's of the way there - 45 minutes into the trip from Hyde Park to Wicker Park at 3pm on a Thursday - we started to question the rationale of dragging our friends all that way just for gelato.) But it was yummy! We followed it by another trip to greenheart, who was having their grand opening fiesta (amazing food by Zebda, great sangria, warm welcome), and walked out with more treasures.

a little green porcelain piggy bank for Nourit's first lesson in saving $$, (you have to invest money to make money, don't you?)

a new book by the creators of 'Mama, Do you love me?' - one of my favorite books - called 'Papa, do you love me?' Halfway through the book it reads, "Papa, what would you do if I was hot?" "We'd rest under a Greenheart tree."

a beautiful beaded bracelet that I chose for my sister, who doesn't read my blog, so won't know if I end up keeping it for myself

My friend walked out with a fantastic two-toned, woven purse. I could have added about 10 more things to my shopping basket, as well. Unfortunately, all the clothes in my size had disappeared off the racks, so we will have to make the trek back to Wicker Park in a couple weeks to get mama a new dress. And some gelato, too, of course.

To do, or not to do - that is the question

Last night I realized that today I would have an entire, unscheduled day ahead of me, with no work, no play-dates planned, no outside obligations - rien, nichts, nada. (I'm just double checking my Google calendar to make sure I didn't forget about something...) What a glorious prospect! Then, worry set in. (This is one of my character traits that drives my husband batty - the ability to turn every good and simple thing into a cause for worry.) What do I do with this precious commodity? I don't want to waste it. Do I take the girls and go to one of the myriad venues on my mental list of places to go when I have a full day off work? Suddenly, I can't think of anywhere I want to go alone with two little ones all day. By myself. With no backup. Hmmm...Our next door neighbors and built-in-playmates are all on vacation. Do I set up a playdate with one of the many people that I've been wanting to see, and just haven't had the time until now? (You know, the friend 5 blocks away who had her second baby a year ago, and I've already unwrapped the gift I bought for her to use for my own kid because I still haven't made it over and she's outgrown it?) I love playdates - sometimes for the simple reason that my children are occupied and I get to visit with a friend. At the same time, it means I'm not really spending time with my girls. Or do I stay home - STAY HOME! - and putter, try to make those kale chips I've been thinking about, wander to the garden and pick the remaining peas, hang out with my girls in the backyard - with not even a side-trip to the playground? Ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner, folks!

The problem with this, though, (and here is where my husband is walking away from me and the conversation), is when I'm home, I see a mess. I see all the things that need to be fixed. Try as I might, I can't seem to ignore what needs to be done in the interest of just hanging out with the girls on the floor for uninterrupted hours of play. Even if I split my time, play a little - clean a little, the little ones seem to undo faster than I do, so it's basically a lost cause. (I'll have to figure this balance out, though, as I will soon be home full-time and responsible for both the cleanliness of our home, and the daily mental and emotional stimulation of our children.) There's something inside of me that feels the need to accomplish something tangible to justify my existence. (Not on a large scale, though, like committing to a career or anything. More along the lines of seeing that the dishes are done, or the floor is vacuumed.)

The other problem with staying home is my fear of missing out. I think that has to do with living in this wonderful city called Chicago, this city that has a crazy amount of fun things to do in the summer. I could visit Millenium Park regularly, drive to Garfield Park Conservatory, or the Chicago Botanic Gardens, or spend the day at any of the beaches along Lake Michigan. There are a half a dozen museums to visit, all within a 15 minute walk or drive. There are music, dance, soccer, art, you-name-it, classes for every age child. There is the lure of shopping downtown (even though the sales tax is insane), and going to Ghiradelli. There are at least two zoos within 20 miles. There are family friendly farmer's markets on any given day. There are so many playgrounds to try, unique neighborhoods to visit, and on and on. It's a far cry from what was available to us out in the small town where I grew up. I'm sure my mom wasn't worrying about whether to go to Binder Park Zoo or the Turkey Farm every day, because that's basically all there was for the entire year. And of course, those places were reserved for special visitors on special occasions. So we stayed home most days, and we weren't missing anything. But here, in Chicago, there's so much choice!

And therein lies my quandry. I'm not good with choices. I want it all. I want balance. I want to stay home with my kids and enjoy a long, drawn-out summer day, with no schedule, no train to catch, no laundry that must be done - with no worry that I'm not do-ing enough.

Not to do. That is the answer.