Other Recent Posts on CMB

You can read more about the adventures of Nourit and Avital (and a few of mom and dad, too) by clicking on the following:

No Hugs For You!

It's a Wonderful Life, But It's Just Not a Good Week

Under Construction

Enjoying Music in Chicago...But Just Not Often Enough

I'm Sorry...I Forgot

Sleepstarved in Chicago

Cross Posted from Chicago Moms Blog

from August 27, 2008

It's almost 3 am, and Avi is finally asleep after an hour of pacing, bouncing, singing and trying to keep her from nursing on my arm. It's our third night of "sleep training", and since I really feel uncomfortable with that term, let me rephrase that: it's my third night of not nursing her every hour, on the hour; it's my third night of trying to figure out a compromise between what's best for my baby and what's best for me; it's my third night of wondering what kind of mother I want to be, and what kind of mother I actually am.

See, we had it somewhat easy with Nourit. Yes, she did nurse 2 or 3 times a night for the first year, but she also had stretches where she'd sleep for 6 or 7 hours at a time. In her own bed. She'd at least sleep for 4 hours at a time, but it recently dawned on me that Avi has not yet slept for more than 4 hours in a row in the last 7 months, and I think my current record is at 2 1/2.

I have been reevaluating my mothering choices ever since Avi was born.

It suddenly didn't make sense to me that such a small human being should sleep by herself, away from the warmth and comfort that she'd experienced for so long in my belly. It didn't make sense to ignore her cries for milk or comfort, since she was too young for conscious manipulation. All the natural parenting books and articles I had stumbled upon started to make more sense than the regimented, orderly parenting philosophies that I'd been exposed to originally. Even though Avi is not my first child, I feel like I'm learning so many new things the second time around. And I'm starting to question my choices for Nourit. Even tonight, as I closed her door, I felt like she was still such a little creature to be shut away by herself, in her own room. Yet, she has been sleeping soundly through the night and through naps since she was 1, and that's a healthy thing, right?

When we brought Avi home from the hospital, I brought her into bed with us so we would both get more sleep (something we were too afraid to do with Nourit because we thought we'd squish her.) I didn't have the luxury of naptime now, with a toddler to watch, and work to do. And with so many visitors, I didn't want Avi to cry and disturb them. Sure, they were family, but I never felt comfortable subjecting my in-laws to long bouts of a crying baby. Even after borrowing a friend's co-sleeper, she seemed to spend more time next to me nursing than actually sleeping. But my instincts told me she should be kept warm next to me, and allowed access to me at this crucial time of growth. Unfortunately, Mike and I sleep on a Full sized mattress, not even a Queen, so he was soon relegated to the couch.

And now, here we are. I am sleep-starved, Avi has started to wake up hourly, and I'm feeling rather incredulous about the claims of the women in the last two natural parenting books I've read. For instance, how is it possible that one gets more sleep when they have their infant next to them all night? In my case, I'm always semi-awake and sore from posturing around the child so she can nurse, and for some reason, the smaller they are, the more space they take up. We have moved her from the bed to a crib in our room. But over the past week or so, each hour, it seems, her little head pops up like a turtle as she looks desperately over the edge of her crib for her comfort source.

So, I suppose my compromise is to hold my little force of a baby through the crying, just so she doesn't feel abandoned. (Or, more to the point, so I don't feel that she feels abandoned.) I'm not sure how far memory reaches back, but I have so many memories of crying behind closed doors as a child (which I'm sure fueled my depression later on.) I thought this was normal, until I mentioned it to my childhood friend and she told me she doesn't ever remember crying like that. So I really want to be careful to listen to my children, whether infants or toddlers or school-aged, and not have them retreat behind closed doors to cry. Hopefully, little Avi's body will adjust, she'll eat more during the day, and sleep longer at night. And she'll grow and thrive, and not have a lingering sense of abandonment. Hopefully, too, Nourit isn't learning to be "detached" and destined for co-dependence issues later on in life. With the amount of love we lavish on her during the daytime, I doubt that will happen. But those thoughts do cross my mind.

Maybe soon I'll start getting more sleep, too (and not be on the computer at 4am!) Over the past three years, since getting pregnant with #1, I have been continually amazed at everything I didn't know; had never learned; was never taught; about the “natural” act of giving birth and parenting. Some things come more naturally than others, but there is so much that just isn’t clear. (I seriously wished there was a manual when I left the hospital with Nourit, but then I realized that there are actually hundreds of them. Unfortunately, they all give different advice.) Which path do I choose with regard to sleeping/feeding/clothing/etc? Which philosophy suits me and my child, and to what extent? What happens when I change my mind half-way through? Have I completely messed up my child at that point?? Why didn’t my mother tell me how to be a mother??? (Okay, do you see how I can work myself up at 3am?)

In reality, I do know the answer to all of these – there is no one answer. This is life, and life is different for every child, mother, parent. One thing that is the same for all of us, though, is that we all need more than 2 hours of sleep!!

This is an Original Chicago Mom's Blog Post. When Liz isn't trying desperately to get her baby to sleep, she can be found at sulali.blogspot.com.

Will Potty for Cookies

Cross Posted from Chicago Moms Blog

from August 25,2008

Not long ago, I felt complete frustration about our beginning attempts at potty training. I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for Nourit to begin potty training, and would have happily waited until she was 3, but I began it to combat her self-imposed constipation, or as we dubbed it, her 'praying to the poop god.' (This is a pose she would strike to hold it in; knees out, head back, hands pressed together in Namaste. It would last for days until she finally pooped.) Although we'd had the potty for almost a year, and she had had some good times on it, she was, at this point, completely against sitting on the potty. She would scream, kick, sob, and wet every pair of underpants I put on her in protest. It was not a good start, and I had begun to look in the Yellow Pages for Potty Boot Camp.

Then it started to click, and much faster than I expected. We put up a potty chart and it soon began to fill up with stickers. She hasn't stopped giving her toy dragon pretend suppositories, but she has started pooping on her own, and she has made it through a few days without accidents. (Although, she did end our last evening with guests peeing on the floor right in front of them. Oh, well!) Today was the pinnacle in potty training for us after an accident free foray out into the world and back home, wearing underwear. (Both of us, in fact!)

But now I'm afraid she's too good at using the potty. See, we ran out of cookies today.

After days of sheepishly feeding our child 6 or 7 cookies per day, 1 for every time she successfully used her potty (and of course, for every 1 she eats, we eat 2 or 3), we saw the last of the animals, and the end of the alphabet at about 6pm this evening. It was then necessary to break open the chocolate. (It's a good thing we buy it by the pound at Trader Joe's!)

A few months back, when we started promising a 'cookie and a sticker when you poop on the potty', we didn't forsee the day when she actually would do it. Many, many times. Being musicians, we even made up a whole song about it, so of course, that's her mantra now. I know as parents we should be strong enough to put an end to the cookie trail, but we're a little afraid. It's so nice having her run to the potty on her own. It's so nice not changing her diaper so much now. It's so nice not having the neighbors hear her scream bloody murder when we suggest potty time. So we're not ready to give up bribes just yet. I think we are just going to downgrade to chocolate chips...the really little ones...as soon as I can get to the store.

Another Hyde Park Weekend (With One Foray Downtown)

The weather has been superb and it's been another exhausting weekend. Too many fun things to do! Friday was my full day off and the girls and I headed to Music Together, where Nourit danced but "didn't sing." (That's what Shy Girl told me afterward.) We played at Bixler, headed home, and played in the backyard some more. I didn't want to go inside.

Jessica came about 5 and Mike and I went out ON A DATE! We tried out Bin 36 downtown, and spent a few hours creating our own pairings of wine with cheese. We even made it through an entire evening without mentioning the word 'poop' once. (Not only that, but I wore high heels for the first time in, oh, two years, I think.) It was a real date. Then we came home and watched the follow up news on the debate. Not the most romantic way to end an evening, but oh well.

Saturday morning we ate apricot crepes and headed to the garden. I picked 4 good sized eggplant, herbs, and a few varieties of tomatoes. We walked through the market and talked to some friends and neighbors - besides Moshe and Danielle, we never know who we'll see there. We listened to a group of kids drumming then headed home for Nourit's nap. Boy, did she nap! Avi, on the other hand, remained in the Moby wrap for the entire afternoon, helping me clean.

When Nourit woke up, we headed to the Midway for the Latin Jazz group who was playing as part of the 2nd Annual Hyde Park Jazz Festival. Who should run up but Anissa (who we met exactly a year ago in the same spot) and Felix. It was good to visit with their moms again while the kids danced and ran around. The music was good, too.

Today, Nourit had another chance to dance all around Hyde Park when we walked by the 57th Street Children's Bookfair on our way home from church. She made a paper crown, snagged a blue balloon, and found the parade. Headed up by a group of drummers and consisting of 6 or 7 costumed cartoon characters and a group of ballerinas, the parade marched back and forth on a two block stretch about 3 or 4 times. Nourit decided she was part of the parade and smiled, danced and ran right in the middle of the entire group. By 2:30, after watching a dance exposition, singing with Marsha's Music Together, and purchasing a few books, we headed home hungry, tired and happy.

Now we're resting up for the last shindig of the weekend - our neighbor BBQ in the backyard. We didn't get to the store to pick up any lamb, so it just might be lots of grilled veggies for us!

Stand Up and Be Counted - Or Sit Down and Be Photographed

Avi has moved from the doing the worm, to downright proper crawling, to pulling herself up to standing. What's next? Playing soccer with Big Sis.


And here's Avi from Nourit's perspective. When I uploaded pictures tonight, I was surprised to find these. Mike didn't 'fess up to taking them, and there were a few following with the telltale finger in the way. But all in all, I think Nourit's getting better camera technique.

Click on the picture above to get a good look at those big front teeth.

What's on the menu these days? Besides breastmilk, Avi has now sampled peas, carrots, avocado, apples, bananas, cereal, arrowroot cookies, and the occasional crumb off the floor.

It's Monday

Fresh start/clean slate, right? House is tidy, clothes laid out, and we're ready for the week. Ha! I wish! In my dreamiest dreams! No, these days, Monday means a list of 'to do's' swirling in my head all the way to work. It means relegating the mess to the closets until the piano students have come and gone on Tuesday, and Cassia can restore our feng shui on Wednesday.

It also means I've forgotten all the wonderful things that happened between my last post and today. I read once that a silence in a journal can be more telling than the actual writing. Well, my silence tells me that we were really busy. Or tired. Or both.

Avi, my sweet faced little baby, will now be named Crazy Tooth. She can't nurse enough, and when she does - OUCH! I'm trying to have her sleep in bed with me at night - on purpose this time, and not just reactively. I just feel so strongly that she should be next to me right now. I'm not sure how long we'll continue this, but at least until I'm convinced she'll be better off alone. (I'm just not convinced yet, no matter how many times she scrapes her teeth on my...) Anyway, in church yesterday, Pastor Joe was trying to garner signatures for the Nursery Schedule. "The kids don't bite," he said, trying to get the frightened non-parents in the congregation to volunteer. Mike and I immediately pointed to Avi and spoke simultaneously, "This one does!" Later, during our coffee time following service, I saw Joe's eyes get huge as he saw Avi lunge at me and get a swatch of my shirt in between her teeth. She's cute, but she's dangerous.

And Nourit. Our funny, funny-faced Nourit. I need a recorder on me all the time to catch the wonderful things she comes up with. We spend a good deal of time 'training' her (disciplining, for those with stronger stomachs.) But we also spend a good deal of time laughing at/with/because of her. She comes up with funny sayings and funny moves, and there was a moment this weekend where all four of us were on the floor in the hall, and whatever it was she was doing, we just laughed and laughed. Even Avi. I can't remember what she said or did, but I hope this impression will be forever etched in my memory. Here's another, involving our little neighbor, Abigail.

Dueling Toddlers
Nourit had been talking about Abigail all Saturday afternoon. She was wrapping pretend presents for her, and was looking forward to seeing her again. That evening, while we ate dinner, Abigail went outside to play. Nourit barely touched her food while she had a one-sided conversation with her older friend out the window. (Okay, there were alot of wilted greens on that night's menu, which could have accounted for part of it.) Finally, I said we could go outside and she put on her sandals in record time. As soon as she got outside, Abigail, was just as excited that her friend had arrived to play. The girls both raced for the swings and I pushed them while Abigail's dad was grilling their supper. Then Abigail began to sing softly. She had about 3 or 4 songs from VBS that she circulated through. Nourit began to sing, too, her own stream-of-consciousness composition. Abigail got to the second song and began to sing louder. Nourit upped her volume, too. By the third song, accompanied by the screech of the two swings, Abigail sounded like a bible-pounding preacher - YES, JESUS LOVES ME! and Nourit's melodies were getting quite a bit more angular and just plain loud. I asked them if they wanted to go play in the sandbox, and off they went happily - two little friends, playing side by side. The end.

Mike and I had a quick conversation this afternoon as he stopped by my work for a minute. We worry about Nourit being with a babysitter more often this year. This morning, she kept pushing us with her usual attention-getting experiments on the baby, knowing we were running around and trying to get out the door. But I didn't see any of that when I got home today. She had had a wonderful time with Jessica, who I feel so blessed to have in our life right now. She's all of 21, and has more love and energy than anyone I know, and can juggle both of the girls quite successfully. She had put Avi down in her crib for a nap (at this point, she's been in there for almost 2 hours. That just doesn't happen for me!) and Nourit just had pure joy in her eyes as she tried to practice the fish-lip face in the mirror that Jessica had shown her today. After Jessica left with the promise to come back tomorrow, Nourit and I snuggled and read books before she calmly and happily went off for a nap.

And Yet Another

Avi had 3 and now one more,
That brings the total teeth to 4!