It's 10:30 and we just got back from a wonderful New Year's Eve party at Marsha's home. Marsha, (of Marsha's Music Together fame,) is the most amazing person. Children love her, including my own. Nourit couldn't wait to go to her party, eat, sing and dance, which is just what we did. (Okay, we ate, sang, and lounged on couches and car seats, but Nourit grabbed Marsha from behind and danced with her a bit!) I have been such a grouch for the past few months of 2008 that I couldn't imagine having fun at a party with two girls after 6pm. It was a relaxed and fun time, though, and the best part was singing along to piano and guitar - and I'm not talking about a Wii Rock Band.
So in an hour and a half, we'll say goodbye to 2008. Hopefully Nourit will be sleeping by then (she's on her third or fourth book with her dad right now) and so will I. For the past few years at Christmas, many friends send letters outlining their activities from the past year. We've done that, too, the past year or so. This year, I had no such inclination. It's not that it was a terrible year - it was just fatiguing. And I'm too tired to look backward. So forward it is - into 2009!
Although I love lists, I've refrained from listing any New Year's Resolutions for quite awhile. I guess I just don't want to be disappointed when I can't even make it out of the gate on any of them. This year, however, I'm so in need of a change -a change in my energy level, a change in my mental state, a change in my attitude - that I just want to write down all the things I'm looking forward to revamping as a sort of hopeful gesture. I know our circumstances aren't about to change much. It's going to be another busy, frantic year, just trying to make deadlines, making sure the babies are taken care of properly, and making ends meet. So here is a list I will publish for all the world to see (or at least my dad), and hopefully it will make me a little more accountable, or serve as a reminder to be hopeful and forward-looking, at the very least.
1)
Pray without ceasing. And try to snatch some quiet time whenever possible. This one is a continuation of, well, my entire life's aim. I
wrote about it in a season of expectancy this past year, but the quiet time always seems to elude me. I have no problem praying continually. The problem is my prayer is more like a constant drone. With two little girls, a job, and a husband who is busy, time is at a premium. If I can be successful at this one thing, I think it will a) contribute to success at the rest of my list, and b) be directly from God.
2)
Go slow. er. I always feel like there is too much to do to slow down. The reality is, there
is too much to do. If I go slow, though, and spend more time and attention on the project at hand, then maybe the things that go un-done will end up not mattering quite so much. If it's the housework that goes undone, though, I'm not sure I will be able to function. So now it's time to look for a new cleaning person.
I'll have to refrain from scheduling too much, as well, which is difficult. I really have cut way back on as much as possible, at the expense of things I really enjoy. It's hard to cut back on visiting friends and making playdates, though, because I need the support (and commiseration) of other moms, and Nourit is definitely at a social stage in her life. But when I have to go from bible study to work, and I'm yelling at Nourit to get going, something has to give.
3)
Play the piano and listen to more music. This has gone the way of my yoga practicing intentions as well. I need to exercise to feel whole. I also need to make music to feel whole. Unfortunately, those things get short shrift and it's always, "Later, later." Later hasn't arrived yet. I may have to work out a time once or twice a week to have the babysitter stay so I can start working out my fingers again and remember what it is that I'd like to do in this lifetime.
4)
Love my husband more. I love my husband more than the day I married him. But all the things I vowed when we were first married to always do; kiss him passionately every day, always make him my ally and be his ally, put him first before our kids; all these things have gone by the wayside in the midst of our "life." We spend so much time, energy, and affection on our children that sometimes, there's not a whole lot left to give to each other. We did make an attempt at date night this past quarter, and have one planned for next Friday, so we've got a start!
5)
Criticize and judge less. Not to sound selfish, but I mean this about myself. I'm probably the most self-reflective person you'll meet. You may not know it though, because even though I'm the first to recognize my faults, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at correcting them. I think, though, that if I can love myself a little more, give myself a break, and try to really see myself as God sees me, then I'll be less prone to hold others to this impossible yard-stick I wield.
I think five is enough for now. There are a few others, like 'Send Christmas Cards Next Year', or 'Take a Family Picture,' or 'Finish Knitting Hats for the Girls.' But that will be another list, for another post. A more fun post. In the meantime, here's to an ambitious 2009!
