Okay, (deep breath) I think I'm ready to commit to this. Now that Avi is 6 months old, and we're on a semi-routine, it's time for my body, mind and soul to emerge from this fog. It's the kind of fog where I think in circles, and find myself breathing shallowly while my mind checks out, only to come back and realize how aimless and detached I'm feeling these days. I know that I need to give myself a break - after all, how razor-sharp can my thoughts be with two children under the age of 2? By the same token, I don't want to wait until they are in college to have a vital and maturing inner life. This is precisely the time I need to call on vast resources of patience, humility and peace - as a mother and a wife - and these things aren't piled up in excess around here. For me, they will take a commitment to my body and to God, (not necessarily in that order.) I do feel, though, that the physical really does impact the spiritual. If I practice yoga (which I do mainly for its physical stretching and strengthening properties, and not so much for meditation), I relieve physical stress, and have a quieter mind. This helps me to subsequently focus my mind on prayer, with less "wandering." If I overindulge in food, especially sugar, caffeine or alcohol, I also feel a fuzziness to my thoughts, like my body is working too hard to process what I've put in, and cannot rest. Not very scientifically put, I know, but there it is. For me, a discipline of time is also necessary. There are so many things I want to do, and only enough to do half of one of those things. If I'm constantly checking email each time I walk past the computer, or running to the cupboard to fill my tummy every hour, the time adds up, sprouts wings, and flies out the window.
Foremost, though, is my need for a disciplined prayer and study life. Yes, I pray unceasingly - while I'm walking around trying to get Avi to sleep; while I'm walking to work; while I'm washing the dishes - (the ones that don't go in the dishwasher); while I'm doing a million other things. I've been craving - (and thanking God for this craving to motivate me to action) - a quiet mind, one that's able to listen and hear what God says to me each day, one that's able to be in the moment (yeah, yeah, Mom - the power of NOW), and not be concerned with planning the future so there won't be any bumps or surprises...or moments for God's grace to be exhibited. I've been craving the time to get to know my Saviour, to really comprehend why I've chosen this path, and to live unequivocally.
So here goes - a public (for all two of you reading this blog) commitment to: a) getting up early each morning to spend time in solitude and prayer, b) practicing yoga regularly throughout the week, and c) being mindful of what, when and how I eat. Feel free to hold me accountable over the next few months. I'm looking forward to blogging again about the challenges and clarity that will come with this commitment to a more disciplined existence.