Naptime for Mama

I really needed a nap today like no other day before. Those of you who know me know I'd love to nap, but when given the chance, I usually can't because there is too much racing around in my brain to relax. But today I somehow made it until 1:30 without a drop of caffeine, and quietly acquiesced when Nourit ordered me to lie on the couch as part of her game. Mike took pity on me and told me to go to bed with sleepy Avi, and he'd put Nourit down for her nap. So when I asked Nourit for a kiss before my nap, she decided she'd put me to bed. She escorted me to my room, then grabbed a book off of my bedside table to read to me. She had two choices: The Essential Chomsky or the Holy Bible. She chose the Bible. Then she climbed up next to me and began to read.

"Once upon a time....skidyappolla chikona....mom...nap....boogaskmiaopo...God told Noah...skippy oh...then the bumblebees were there....smogojaybiers...God....mama....The End."

An actual transcript would have been about 5 minutes longer, but I paraphrased the best I could. After this amazing storytelling, Nourit sang me 'Baa Baa Black Sheep - habinany Wool.'

I slept soundly for two hours and woke up feeling like a human being again.

Something That Disturbs Me

It's a little freaky to me that the ice-cream truck down the street from us plays Christmas carols.

All summer.

Maybe they got a deal on a soundtrack from a Floridian ice-cream truck that runs all year round. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

New Schedule, New Babysitter, New Teeth

Not only did the cold winds of Autumn blow in this morning, but so did the winds of perpetual change. Mike rolled in from Victoria after midnight, and rolled out of bed by 7:20 in time for me to go back to my morning work routine. (When he rang the buzzer, I distinctly remember thinking, as I woke up from what could probably be called sleep, "What obnoxious toy is making that noise?" ) I really prefer having my mornings with the girls, but I also began to teach lessons again this evening, so had to make the change back to mornings. There's always more work to do for people in the mornings. Leave it until the afternoon and they figure it out for themselves.

3:30 Jessica arrived. She is just as phenomenal as her references said. Although I had already hired another wonderful young woman to help us with childcare during the fall, I knew that we'd never be able to work out a schedule with just one person, so when I met Jessica, I hired her on the spot. That's because Nourit actually responded immediately to her when she came over, and went so far as to escort her to the door with a proper goodbye when the meeting was finished. No trace of Shy Girl with Jessica.

So when she came to watch the girls while I taught lessons tonight, I was surprised at how much more she even impressed me tonight. She played outside with Nourit, and kept her outside laughing and making up new games for quite a long time. (We've had other sitters who refused to go outside.) When they came back into the apartment, somehow the young woman got Nourit to whisper. I honestly didn't think she was physically capable of whispering at this age! I even overheard Jessica being firm with Nourit when she wasn't being nice, and followed it up with positive reinforcement. By the time she left, Nourit was calm, bathed, and ready for bed. And all this while she carried around a screaming Avi. Which was not her fault. Here's why.

Avi has a new tooth! It poked through on the top right front of her mouth tonight! My little barracuda has her third weapon to use on mommy at the least expected moment.

He Gives Strength to the Weary...

and oh, boy, was I weary this morning. Last night was the worst of the last 5 nights that Mike has been away, and in addition to an insomniac baby, I had a grand mess in the kitchen and rest of the house, so I was ready to lose it. I did lose it. At 4:30 in the morning, I hadn't slept more than 2 hours total, and I was doing the dishes that were piled in the sink, just so I could hook up the dishwasher and run the dirty dishes through that had been sitting for two days. After all, we would need some plates to eat our hamburger buns on for breakfast. (I left the refrigerator open the night before, so we had no food for breakfast except what was in the freezer. Hamburger buns. Yum.)

Crawling back into bed at 5, Avi still was awake, so I took her with me, ruining the last 4 nights of work to keep her in her crib. She immediately calmed down and fell asleep. And I cried. I hadn't even had an hour to myself since last week, I realized, and I wouldn't have any chance to sleep before the girls would be up for the day. The house needed cleaning, and not just for my comfort. It needed cleaning for our health and safety. We needed food in the refrigerator, and I needed to make sure I had a babysitter for this week, and those following. I needed to prepare for lessons starting, and actually show up at work for real. During the dark hours between night and morning, everything seems insurmountable. I prayed, trying not to feel the usual guilt for feeling sorry for myself. I asked God for supernatural strength, not entirely resigned to a reality in which He'd actually give it to me.

Somewhere between 5:30 and 7:30, I dozed. When Nourit woke up, I coaxed her back into bed with me while I nursed Avi, buying a little more time to just lie still. At 8, she said, "Mommy, it's time to get up." I couldn't imagine how I was going to stand up, much less make it through the day. Driving to the store on such little sleep seemed like a dangerous idea, but staying home all day with a toddler seemed more dangerous.

But I did it. I got up, toasted our hamburger buns and spread peanut butter and jam on them, and began to feel something like optimism. It could possibly be a good day. We could go to the store, I could get a coffee to drink while we shopped. I wouldn't have to call child services on myself after all. And even though there were a few episodes where my fuse almost blew, we made it into the car and to Lincoln Park without a hitch. Nourit had a great time pushing her little cart next to mine, and Avi snoozed in the Moby wrap. We went to the coffee shop, bought groceries, and made it back before the rain came. Then, both girls napped (which hasn't happened in a few days), and somehow, as I write this at 9pm, the house is relatively clean. (I did find a cockroach belly up in the cleaning bucket, but at least I didn't have to chase him down.)

An hour ago, I sat down to find the passage in Isaiah that I have highlighted, and turn to so many times.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. (A much bigger job than keeping the pantry stocked.) He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. (Does that mean He can make sense of my irrational, middle-of-the-night thoughts?) He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
And even though I know this verse so well that I intentionally looked for it, it really hit me tonight. He gave me that strength today. In my sleep-deprived weakness, He gave me the power to not only make it through the day, but to feel a peace and a joy that at 4:30 in the morning, I thought I would never feel until my children were adults.

Maybe once school starts, I'll even find myself running races and soaring on wings like eagles.

Overwhelmed

When I was 2nd year in college at Central Michigan University, I visited regularly for awhile with the preacher's wife. I was severely depressed, misguided, confused, and I was practically begging for answers. I'll always remember her as being distant in a somewhat "holy" way, sort of dreamy and in the clouds. She didn't help me out much, but there is something she said that always stuck with me. She had two little girls, and she told me that when she'd go in to look at them after they had fallen asleep, she would just be overwhelmed with love. I comprehend that now, 15 years later. It's how I feel these nights that Mike is gone and I'm the last one to go to bed. I open Nourit's door and hear her snoring, and look at this little girl all askew on her bed, and am speechless with love. Then I go to my room and see little Avi's compact form sound asleep on her tummy in her crib and again, my heart just constricts. It's almost unbearable.

Back to this Discipline Thing

I guess it wouldn't be called 'discipline' if it were easy. After all, control through training takes more than one day. Which is why I am thankful that God's mercy is new every morning, since I generally feel the need to start over every day. Life just never seems to stay orderly for me. It might for a few days, or a week at the most, but then the girls get sick, or we go out of town, and whatever disciplined routine I had going flies out the car window as we roll out of Chicago.

Back to God's mercy, though. He has really given me time each day, as well as the impetus, to seek Him. So that part of my quest for discipline has been sustainable, if not necessarily growing, over these past 2 months. Unfortunately, my lovely mornings alone at the garden are a thing of the past, what with a baby who parties from 2-4 am and a husband who keeps leaving me for exotic vacations. (Just kidding, Mike!) I was really motivated by another mother's blog to set aside time each day for prayer. She set aside many times, but I'm not at the point for that. However, I would like to take one long Saturday morning each month to find more stillness and quietness. Mike, can we look at our schedules?

Yoga? Exercise? Not in the last few weeks. I guess it's really not as big a priority right now, but I still would like it to work back into my routine, whenever that's established. (Which will be as soon as Avi starts sleeping more than 2 hours at night. Did I mention Avi is not a good sleeper at night?)

There are so many other things in my life I want to be more regulated. I pay our bills on time, but have little time for budgeting or planning, as I'd like to do each month. Our food life is one of great confusion to me (a blog about that to come soon.) I even feel the need to have a routine 'time-out' for Mike and I, since we rarely go on dates. We've had a few more outings alone this summer than since before Nourit was born, but that always seems to be what we sacrifice. I'm even starting to feel the need to have daily activities for Nourit: art time, library time, playtime, etc. That might be a little too control-freakish of me, though, since she's only two!

This is probably a mundane subject to anyone reading, but keeping this blog actually helps motivate me to continue what I've started.

No Labor, Just Fun this Labor Day Weekend

It had been more than a year and a half since we had seen Sammy and Joey, and how grown up they both were when we saw them Friday morning after driving all day Thursday to get to Canada. Samantha was very motherly, making Nourit breakfast each morning, and reading to her. Avi found a special spot on Sammy's shoulder and would be found snuggling with Sammy more than anyone this weekend.

Sammy reading Tiki Tiki Tembo to Nourit.

Have you seen a happier baby?

Nourit took her second horseride of the summer, this time with mama on board. Churchill Downs, here we come!

The helmet just wouldn't stay put!

A walk through the woods.

Nourit got everyone in on the Eyebrow action.

The girls were introduced to their first Harrow County Fair. Nourit was fascinated with the cows while they were being milked. (Mama could really identify with them, too.)

We also saw some rabbits and fancy chickens. I would like a fancy chicken so we could eat fancy eggs every morning.

Teaching Nourit the subtler points of Skeeball.

We visited Great-Grandma Debleu and swam in her pool. Nourit even got brave and jumped in a few times. Auntie Michelle taught her how to blow bubbles and that's all she did the rest of her time in the pool.

Our trip home took 11 hours door-to-door. We stopped to see Denton's family and pulled some more crazy faces from Nourit and her friends.

Nourit, Kenzie and Dreya. Baby Whited on the way soon!

And finally, we stopped to see Mark, Michelle and Izzy. Wow, has she changed since Christmas - still a cutie, but now a blonde, mobile, chatty cutie!

~~~
Now we're back home, gearing up for the fall. Mike is on his way to Victoria, B.C. for the Aventa Workshop until Monday. I've been interviewing babysitters for the schoolyear, and am trying hard not to be depressed about the end of a much-too-short summer.