Emerging

After a week of negative numbers on the thermostat, sickness and pain in the apartment, and a general feeling of being overwhelmed by it all, we are, finally, emerging. A couple mornings playing with little friends brought some lightness and laughter, and two evenings of meals made by big friends went a long way to instill a feeling of warmth and calm at dinner time. Without the extra prep time and dishes to manage, we were all able to get to bed a little earlier. Our colds are going away, and the weather has been nice enough to play outside again. We even ventured out Saturday for Music Together, and then again today for story time at 57th Street Bookstore with our neighbors. Afterward, we had an impromptu picnic at Kyla's for lunch before I rushed off to work.

Nourit and Abigail - Monet and Renoir


Arms and fingers are part of the canvas, too!

Making cookies with Viola and Kubi

It's surprising, too, how the air feels just a bit lighter now that we have a new commander-in-chief leading us. It feels like our country is ours again, and not completely out of our control.

And there's that word again. After a couple weeks of good conversations, prayer, and doctor's visits, the knot is loosening and things don't seem so bad today.

Happy Birthday, Dear Michael

It's Monday, January 12 and I'm wishing my husband a happy birthday. I'm also wishing him a yummy, homemade cake, and a really cool present (maybe something for the kitchen or electronic.) After that, I'm wishing him a full and speedy recovery from his knee injury, and that his cold woudn't progress. Then, I'm wishing him a wonderful night out for dinner with moi, maybe at Topolobampo (since we had to cancel our reservations for last Friday night.) I'm wishing him angelic children who don't cry, scream or hit each other (at least for one day!) and I'm wishing him a day without deadlines, obligations, and requirements of him to be anywhere but home.

These are my sincere wishes for him, but they may have to wait for a date in the future because today:
-I have something that looks like conjunctivitis and need to skip work to go to the doctor
-I have no plans to bake a cake with puss oozing out my eye
-I did not preplan and purchase a present and unfortunately, all his birthday checks just got rolled into the savings account
-I cannot do anything about his knee, and the reality is, it will take alot of PT before it feels better
-It's cold season, and I can't do anything about that, either (although I did buy alot of citrus!)
-School is in session, so Mike has to teach, be a student, and finish a gargantuan piece of music before he can put his feet up. Both feet up.
-Can't do anything about the children. Cries and screams are just part of the territory.
-And dinner will have to wait until...???

So, my darling, 30 something husband, when ??? arrives, I hope all these wishes come true. Or at least the one about going out to dinner.

Control

I'm sitting at the computer way too late because of a late-in-the-day-caffeine buzz. My brain is spinning with the events of the day: a break-down during bible study, deeper relationships emerging, an impromptu meeting at work, the discovery that my bosses are fighting to keep me in my job, the realization that like it or not, my job is getting busy again, thoughts about whether God is fighting for me in the spiritual realm, racing back and forth to teach piano lessons, the idea to start a blog for praying moms, and fragmented time with my girls, my husband and my thoughts.

What deserves time and what doesn't? How do I choose what's best? Should I even think about choice? or just accept whatever rolls my way? The hovering topic of the day has been control. How much can we let go and still lead a disciplined, responsible life? When is it time to be Mary, and when is it purely necessary to be Martha? (I'm not talking about Martha Stewart.) Can we really experiment with our lives like this? Funny, for me, it's also been about birth control lately. How much of this chaos of emotion is from synthetic hormones? Would I feel like less of a disobedient child (of God) if I weren't so emotionally charged, frustrated and angry all the time?

On another note, so far, I've been pretty good about flossing, I've worn my hair down a couple days this week, and I did play about 10 minutes of piano and practiced yoga for another 10 minutes. Date night, however, has been canceled until further recovery.

Good night.

The Rest of the Resolutions

So here's the fun list. Anything and everything I've wanted to accomplish in my lifetime, both past and future, to be attempted in one year - 2009.

In no particular order:

1) Finish knitting the hat I've started 3 times, and other stuff.

2) Organize the nursery (ie, put up more hooks.)

3) Recycle more. Meaning, throw less in the wastebasket next to me and more in the recycling bin all the way across the apartment.

4) Find ways to consume less.

5) Buy a composter. This conflicts with #4, but ultimately will help us waste less.

6) Begin our garden sooner this year. Before June.

7) Take more time with my appearance. Do my hair, iron my clothes, try to look less tired.

8) Intake less sugar. That means no more birthday parties!

9) Practice yoga. Find a parent-child yoga video or class. Find a class to go to once in a while - alone.

10) Date nights. Regularly. And refer to #7 on that particular night.

11) Plan Christmas presents long before December. And maybe actually make some nice things.

12) Continuing the Christmas theme: plan Advent activities long before Advent begins.

13) And organize my computer address book so I'm ready to send Christmas cards on time.

14) Play the piano.

15) Listen to more music intentionally. Watch Die Zauberflote (since I've only had it for 2 years now and haven't watched it.) Watch more opera on dvd.

16) Floss more.

17) Organize photos and videos on computer.

18) Frame the family pictures that have been waiting in my drawer for 10 years for this very event.

19) Listen to Mike's music - score in hand - really listen intentionally. (There's that word again!)

Happy New Year

It's 10:30 and we just got back from a wonderful New Year's Eve party at Marsha's home. Marsha, (of Marsha's Music Together fame,) is the most amazing person. Children love her, including my own. Nourit couldn't wait to go to her party, eat, sing and dance, which is just what we did. (Okay, we ate, sang, and lounged on couches and car seats, but Nourit grabbed Marsha from behind and danced with her a bit!) I have been such a grouch for the past few months of 2008 that I couldn't imagine having fun at a party with two girls after 6pm. It was a relaxed and fun time, though, and the best part was singing along to piano and guitar - and I'm not talking about a Wii Rock Band.

So in an hour and a half, we'll say goodbye to 2008. Hopefully Nourit will be sleeping by then (she's on her third or fourth book with her dad right now) and so will I. For the past few years at Christmas, many friends send letters outlining their activities from the past year. We've done that, too, the past year or so. This year, I had no such inclination. It's not that it was a terrible year - it was just fatiguing. And I'm too tired to look backward. So forward it is - into 2009!

Although I love lists, I've refrained from listing any New Year's Resolutions for quite awhile. I guess I just don't want to be disappointed when I can't even make it out of the gate on any of them. This year, however, I'm so in need of a change -a change in my energy level, a change in my mental state, a change in my attitude - that I just want to write down all the things I'm looking forward to revamping as a sort of hopeful gesture. I know our circumstances aren't about to change much. It's going to be another busy, frantic year, just trying to make deadlines, making sure the babies are taken care of properly, and making ends meet. So here is a list I will publish for all the world to see (or at least my dad), and hopefully it will make me a little more accountable, or serve as a reminder to be hopeful and forward-looking, at the very least.

1) Pray without ceasing. And try to snatch some quiet time whenever possible. This one is a continuation of, well, my entire life's aim. I wrote about it in a season of expectancy this past year, but the quiet time always seems to elude me. I have no problem praying continually. The problem is my prayer is more like a constant drone. With two little girls, a job, and a husband who is busy, time is at a premium. If I can be successful at this one thing, I think it will a) contribute to success at the rest of my list, and b) be directly from God.

2) Go slow. er. I always feel like there is too much to do to slow down. The reality is, there is too much to do. If I go slow, though, and spend more time and attention on the project at hand, then maybe the things that go un-done will end up not mattering quite so much. If it's the housework that goes undone, though, I'm not sure I will be able to function. So now it's time to look for a new cleaning person.

I'll have to refrain from scheduling too much, as well, which is difficult. I really have cut way back on as much as possible, at the expense of things I really enjoy. It's hard to cut back on visiting friends and making playdates, though, because I need the support (and commiseration) of other moms, and Nourit is definitely at a social stage in her life. But when I have to go from bible study to work, and I'm yelling at Nourit to get going, something has to give.

3) Play the piano and listen to more music. This has gone the way of my yoga practicing intentions as well. I need to exercise to feel whole. I also need to make music to feel whole. Unfortunately, those things get short shrift and it's always, "Later, later." Later hasn't arrived yet. I may have to work out a time once or twice a week to have the babysitter stay so I can start working out my fingers again and remember what it is that I'd like to do in this lifetime.

4) Love my husband more. I love my husband more than the day I married him. But all the things I vowed when we were first married to always do; kiss him passionately every day, always make him my ally and be his ally, put him first before our kids; all these things have gone by the wayside in the midst of our "life." We spend so much time, energy, and affection on our children that sometimes, there's not a whole lot left to give to each other. We did make an attempt at date night this past quarter, and have one planned for next Friday, so we've got a start!

5) Criticize and judge less. Not to sound selfish, but I mean this about myself. I'm probably the most self-reflective person you'll meet. You may not know it though, because even though I'm the first to recognize my faults, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at correcting them. I think, though, that if I can love myself a little more, give myself a break, and try to really see myself as God sees me, then I'll be less prone to hold others to this impossible yard-stick I wield.

I think five is enough for now. There are a few others, like 'Send Christmas Cards Next Year', or 'Take a Family Picture,' or 'Finish Knitting Hats for the Girls.' But that will be another list, for another post. A more fun post. In the meantime, here's to an ambitious 2009!

Post Christmas Post

Life seemed to get in the way of blogging during the weeks leading up to Christmas, so here is the quick and dirty version. Mike popped his knee out (OUCH!), he spent 8 hours in ER without seeing a doctor, we bought some crutches for him, he visited the doctor and is scheduled for surgery on January 5th. We said goodbye to all of our babysitters for the holiday, and spent alot of time inside while the weather got colder, our car got snowed/iced in, and Mike's knee and work kept him from venturing out too much. I did not send Christmas cards this year and fully regret it, although I'm not sure where I would have fit that in without going completely insane. I'm ready to begin working on them for next year, though. (That will probably be in my New Year's Resolution list.) Despite all this, we did fit a few fun things in.

Here's me with a potent cup of Gluhwein in my hand at Christkindlemarkt. Finally, a year where I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding and I can imbibe. Oh, wait. I guess I'm still breastfeeding...well, Avi enjoyed it, too.


Going to visit Santa at the market was priceless. Nourit was talking the talk for days before. "I'm gonna go see Santa. I'm gonna sit on his lap, and give him a kiss, and tell him I want a bell for Christmas. I looooove Santa." The moment she walked in and saw him, she froze, turned to me, and buried her head in my legs. Granted, the Santa was no more than 25 years old and a little creepy. Avi definitely didn't care for the Santa experience, either. But, Nourit was happy to eat the free candy cane!
Amazingly, with Mike on crutches and me pushing two little ones in the big stroller, we took a bus downtown in the middle of all the slush and snow, braved the cold and ice, and ate sausage and sauerkraut, potato pancakes, and candied nuts and Stollen. Yum, yum!
One of Nourit's favorite poses these days.

The snow has been wonderful this December, except when we need to drive in it. But we have done our best to take advantage and play. One day, after a heavy snow, I put Avi in the Moby wrap and pulled Nourit on the sled to run errands on campus. The stroller never would have made it through the snow, so it worked out perfectly. And I got a work out, too! I can't count how many people asked for a ride!
Christmas Eve, our church was closed, so we went the the 4pm service at Holy Trinity. It was a welcome change from all the work and headaches of the past quarter to focus on Christ's birth and God's gift of love to us. We sang carols, lit candles, and recalibrated ourselves for an hour. Then, we braved the cold (okay, I wasn't so brave, and despite the recalibration, was swearing under my breath at the cold) and went to Chinatown for dinner, in the tradition of the Jews and the Lews.
The girls are definitely getting more and more interested in each other. Of course, there is still sibling rivalry, but I'm getting glimpses of better days ahead!
Christmas morning!! Although Nourit was ready to start the day at 3:30 am, we began opening our stockings at around 8:30. She could hardly contain her excitement over the organic fruit leather and the new toothbrushes. We could have stopped there and she would have been perfectly content. In 10 years, though, I'm guessing it won't be so easy!
Avi, of course, just wanted to eat the wrapping paper.

This gift from Auntie Michelle was the hit of the day.
Crazy Forts has taken over our home.
Easy to please, Avi has a great time with mama's pajamas. No fancy gifts for her!
So the festivities are over (for a day, at least.) Nourit's birthday has passed, the snow is gone, and Mike is back to working on his piece. Today, with the weather almost up to 60 degrees, I took the girls out for a walk in the rain. Avi stayed snug and dry in the stroller, while Nourit splashed happily through every single puddle on the Midway. If she gets sick, I'll feel terrible. But she was really very happy just walking in the rain, splashing as much as she could.

Meet my 3 Year Old

This is Nourit. She's 3 today. I'm so thankful that 3 years ago, we went to the hospital and met her face to face. Since then she's grown into such a funny, smart, sweet and interesting little girl. She's definitely a normal child. She refuses to give goodbye kisses, pushes her little sister out of the way, and sometimes pushes the limit. At the same time, she has an amazing capacity to surprise me with her tenderness and sensitive heart. 3 years have gone by in a flash. I can almost glimpse the little girl she will be in another 3 years.


Today, I took Nourit to the ice-skating rink for the first time. I put her new double blade skates on and out we went to the rink. The weather was perfect. Not too cold. I was so proud of her. From the moment we stepped on the rink, she had no hesitation. She would fall, but would laugh and get right back up. I skated behind her for the first little while, holding both of her hands in mine, and keeping her steady with my body. But then she broke away, preferring to hold onto the side and skate more independently. She expected to go fast, "like rabbits" she said earlier in the day. At the rink, she kept observing how fast everyone was skating. I told her she had to go slowly before she could go fast. I think she accepted that because she didn't seem to get frustrated. After awhile, we went home.
This morning, Nourit helped Mike bake her 3rd birthday cake. It was the cake she requested, chocolate with raspberry. As always, Mike did an amazing job, spending an entire day on his creation. Because we've been so reticent to plan anything this break, we hadn't invited anyone for a party. Nourit was expecting alot of kids to be here on her birthday, I guess because that's been her experience of birthdays thus far. Not wanting to disappoint, (and not wanting to eat the cake all by ourselves!) we invited our neighbors who were still in town (Emma and her mom, Scarlett and her parents and Nana, Kyla and the gang), and her good little friends that we hadn't seen in awhile (Claire and Jacob, and my dear friend, Viola). We had quite a houseful at 4:30 pm! Lots of little ones, lots of chocolate cake, and lots of joy in Nourit's eyes.

And for all our family members who called to wish Nourit a Happy Birthday? Although she put her hands over her ears and wouldn't talk to you on the real phone, I did overhear her calling each of you and talking to you on her new play cell phone. She said she loves you.