Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I'm Sad Because...

As we were getting ready to leave Kyla's house after a short playdate this morning, Nourit's eyes filled with tears and she said to me, "I'm sad because I want to go to Abigail's and play with the girls some more." Kyla was going to spend some time at Abigail's while her mom took Baby Cole to the doctor, and although Nourit was invited, I needed to spend some time at home before going to work and told her we couldn't go this time. For a minute I wanted to give in and just spend the next couple of hours playing with our friends, partially because it sounded way more fun than unpacking the suitcase, and partially because I didn't want Nourit to be sad. But, she accepted it, we went home, and she spent a quiet time playing around the house for the next two hours while I put things in order.

It's so nice to hear her articulate her emotions these days. Sometimes, the reason for the tears doesn't quite make sense, but in this case, it was perfectly normal and understandable. She expressed it in a healthy way and moved on. If only I could articulate my sadness so well.

Today, however, I'm happy because I started to play the piano again. From 7:30am-9:30am, I bashed through Mozart and Brahms, just letting my fingers move and letting my brain try to figure out what to work on in the coming months. The plan is to start to work a little bit every few days, getting back in shape, and working toward a small recital or having some pieces ready to audition for potential piano gigs. The hard part is peeling a sobbing Nourit off my lap as I'm abandoning her for a couple hours of music. I remember that feeling all too well - mom going to work when I felt I needed her most. (That was purely my feeling - she was actually continually present when I was growing up, except for her p/t work at the library, and a year of full-time work once I was in school.) Am I selfish for stealing hours away from time with my girls to do this? Maybe. Will it be a good thing for them to see their mom working toward a goal, and doing something that fulfills her? I think so.

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