Wednesday, May 8, 2013

If You Give a Mom Alone Time

For awhile now, I've felt a great weight on me, and it's not extra baby weight that needs losing.  (I can thank my mom's genes for that one.)  It's both the physical weight of a 20 lb-er who is in the Ergo more than not, and the mental weight of my to-do list (which includes the to-do list of everyone else in the household.)  Once or twice a week, though, the kids walk out the door without me, a stillness descends on the apartment, and the baby falls asleep.  For a millisecond, after I set her in her crib and shut the door to the bedroom, I'M FREE!  Lighter than air, I can do anything I want to do:  dust the furniture, scrub the toilet, or clean up the dishes from lunch (and yesterday's dinner, and the huge pot from dinner three nights ago...)  The possibilities are endless.  Just like my laundry.

Or, I can read a book.  Except my book is in the bedroom and I'd risk my precious freedom if I snuck in to retrieve it.  I could do some yoga, but my mat is in the bedroom, too.  (I didn't plan my escape very well.)  Practice piano?  Too loud.  Take a nap?  Too much coffee in the morning.  Clean the closet?  I don't want to get into the middle of a project and have to leave it undone.   (And yes, that does sound kinda fun to me, in a sick, sick way.) 

Okay, looks like doing the dishes has won out.  But there are snacks in the kitchen, and once I have my nutella spread on a graham cracker, I need to sit down to eat it.  Preferably at the computer so I can do something useful at the same time, like check Facebook.  The kitchen looks daunting anyway, and I doubt I would even make a dent in the mess before the baby wakes up.  I really want to make this time count since I have so little of it.  I need to do something rejuvenating, something that will give me back at least part of what the kids have sucked out.  Another snack.  Maybe read some news. But that makes me feel even more useless since bad stuff keeps happening in the world and I'm doing nothing to make it a better place.

Maybe I'll just sit still and continue not doing anything.  Breathe.  Meditate.  But from where I'm sitting, I can see the four gaping holes in the wall where the guitar hooks fell out last October, and the pile of books ready to fall off the shelf, and the dust bunnies fornicating under the front desk.  I'll put these on my mental list of 'things to do when I have an entire week to clean and fix the apartment' (or when hell freezes over, because I don't know who is going to take three kids for an entire week while I clean my home.)

Hmm....I wonder what I could do with an entire week alone? 


1 comment:

Walter Neild said...

Archive this reflection and pull it out again just after Norite and/or Avi goes off to college. Those years are not that far away, unfortunately (or fortunately??)