Thursday, January 8, 2009

Control

I'm sitting at the computer way too late because of a late-in-the-day-caffeine buzz. My brain is spinning with the events of the day: a break-down during bible study, deeper relationships emerging, an impromptu meeting at work, the discovery that my bosses are fighting to keep me in my job, the realization that like it or not, my job is getting busy again, thoughts about whether God is fighting for me in the spiritual realm, racing back and forth to teach piano lessons, the idea to start a blog for praying moms, and fragmented time with my girls, my husband and my thoughts.

What deserves time and what doesn't? How do I choose what's best? Should I even think about choice? or just accept whatever rolls my way? The hovering topic of the day has been control. How much can we let go and still lead a disciplined, responsible life? When is it time to be Mary, and when is it purely necessary to be Martha? (I'm not talking about Martha Stewart.) Can we really experiment with our lives like this? Funny, for me, it's also been about birth control lately. How much of this chaos of emotion is from synthetic hormones? Would I feel like less of a disobedient child (of God) if I weren't so emotionally charged, frustrated and angry all the time?

On another note, so far, I've been pretty good about flossing, I've worn my hair down a couple days this week, and I did play about 10 minutes of piano and practiced yoga for another 10 minutes. Date night, however, has been canceled until further recovery.

Good night.

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